Serenity Now: Growing My Fuse

“Everybody knows that the world is full of stupid people…”  Banditos- The Refreshments

“Baby, when I’m yellin’ at you, it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault, yeah”  Not Your Fault -Awolnation

           I didn’t go to the gym at all last week. AT ALL! For someone who tries to go five times a week, that was a major faux pas but the kids were on holiday break and there was plenty of sledding and snowboarding to do for a bit of exercise. I preferred to spend my time hanging out with them instead of dragging them to the Kid’s Club while I work out.

            I’m not going to be one of those people that make a New Year’s fitness resolution. Those people who make the gym completely overcrowded and unbearable through the month of January until they give up and give me back my elliptical and my peace. To read this, you might think I’m one of the health nuts or workout fanatics. After two children and twenty years with my husband, I’ve come to terms with my shape. I joined the gym to lose the baby weight. Now that my “baby” is seven, I’ve given up on a pre-Mommy body. The gym is one of my getaways. I read the entire Twilight series on a recumbent bike. I can thank Stephenie Meyer for helping me shed some extra pounds. Don’t get me wrong, my gym is completely obnoxious. There are always several hot-bodied 20 somethings in full make up. Some tiny testicled steroided fool is always clogging the drinking fountain with snot rockets. There are always two friends who choose the cardio area to catch up, screaming at each other over their treadmills because heaven forbid they take their cackle-fest somewhere appropriate like a coffee shop. Most of my time at the gym is spent with my blood boiling in annoyance but that rage helps to fuel my workouts.

             I go to the gym so I can eat what I want. In my opinion, almost everything tastes better than skinny feels. I had a friend in high school tell me that for every Oreo I ate, I would have to run one mile to burn the calories. Yeah right! Food tastes too good to live by these silly one Oreo=one mile rules, so I’m fine being curvy. To be clear, these days I mostly go to the gym so I can use their showers with never ending high pressure hot water which is pretty gross if you think about it but whatever reason works to get this ever-expanding ass to the gym, I’ll use it.

                I decided my resolution this year would be to work on my temper. I’m not sure if it’s the copious amounts of road rage inducing driving I do for my new job or just a low bullshit tolerance level, but my fuse has shrunk to almost non-existence. My family is bearing the brunt of this. Whether it’s the idiot refusing to pull forward half an inch so I can get my left turn green arrow, the Redbox refusing to accept my return DVD, the Target shopper completely oblivious to the ten item express lane’s functionality, my husband’s nonchalant attitude repeatedly walking past the recyclables on the counter refusing to help them on their journey to the recycle bin, or my cat’s weekly vomits presents usually on my pillow or in my first step out of bed-I’ve found myself in a constant state of agitation. I’m sure I could write an entire blog post on my endless pet peeves.

                I’m hoping continuously seeing red  was just a December holiday insanity symptom. After countless bedtime arguments with the kids ending in shouting matches and snuggle privileges revoked, after record-skipping deja vu feuds with my husband over his phone’s supposed inability to accept my calls or texts , I’ve decided enough. I’m really going  to work on my anger management. In the wise words of some Frozen princess (I’ve only seen the movie once thanks to my daughter’s tomboy tendencies-hallelujah!) I’m going to LET IT GO! Whether I need some deep breaths, a count to ten or my own time out, I’m going to stop snapping at my loved ones or at least try. My waist and thighs may not thank me for this resolution but my family will. What are some of your resolutions? Or pet peeves? 😉